Favorite Heartbreak

I think I’m experiencing my most favorite heartbreak in history. I don’t know if anyone has ever felt that way about any heartbreak before. But here I am, wondering....

This is the most grounded I’ve ever felt while choosing to walk through heartache. I don’t feel alone nor do I feel like I'm not loveable or too much or not enough...I feel held by my community, loved ones, the world. I feel so loved and supported by something bigger than me. There’s trust here...a confidence that seems foreign and yet familiar at the same time… a deep knowing.... It doesn't make sense and it makes perfect sense.

My heart feels both expansive and heavy. Again, I’m proud of myself — proud of the years of inner work, of choosing to go on a self-love journey over a decade ago, proud of the tools I've added to my toolbox that now hold me as I choose to transition out of a partnership that meant/means so much to me.

With that choice came the waves of emotions. It took a few days for the tears to come and I'm glad it started to flow last night (with help from a friend). I honestly can’t remember the last time I cried myself to sleep, woke up crying, cried through my morning workout, cried while dancing, cried in public at the beginning of yoga, and then again during a facial while my esthetician was doing Reiki on me. Sooooo much crying today!! Lol!! I’m not usually a crier, and letting myself drop fully into my feminine and surrender to the tears — wherever they chose to appear— felt like a homecoming.

For the first time, I got to experience making love with my tears. It was sooooooo erotic that it took me by surprise. I loved feeling my tears against my eyeballs and then stream down my face, especially because I don't get to feel them often...To feel them sensually caress my face… to feel them glide across my eyelids depending on which way my head was turned… like they were cleansing me, baptizing me, preparing me for something greater. My eyes felt like they were getting washed into a new vision. At one point, a literal door appeared in my mind’s eye. It was a single door out in the open...

And so… the journey begins.

Side thought: Last week I was swimming butt-naked in the warm ocean (living my best life), but the salty water burned my eyeballs so badly. Like instant regret, lol!!! And today, as I felt my own salty tears touching my eyeballs, I suddenly wondered, "Why does ocean salt water burn my eyes, but my salty tears don’t?"

Obviously when I think about it some more the ocean is just a million more times saltier...

oo I just had an idea!! Maybe I'll take home some warm healing ocean water next time and pour it into someone's eyes for my pleasure and call it a special cleanse. My weird kinky ways seem to always make me feel better for some reason. I love how much I entertain myself with my own thoughts and experiences

lol